Whod you bang
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
