almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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