Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
