Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
