Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
