i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
