8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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