it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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