Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
