Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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