my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
