Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
