I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
