Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
