I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
