i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
