It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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