I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think my fart just growled at me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
