"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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