your room smells of hookers.
And success
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
