jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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