Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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