the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
