my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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