yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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