he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
