PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
