I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
