You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
