im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
