I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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