I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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