I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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