i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
