One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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