i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
