She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
