omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
