Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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