ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
