i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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