You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
