I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
