Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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