In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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