STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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