The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
