At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
