my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yo dont text me then not text me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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