I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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