just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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