we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
