My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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